Bad: adjective (According to Merriam-Webster) 1. Low or poor in quality 2. Not correct or proper 3. Not pleasant, pleasing, or enjoyable.
Example: This milk is bad.
Baddest: somewhere in the uneducated third space between adjective and noun (According to Urban Dictionary, because it isn't actually relevant in Merriam-Webster) 1. Toughest, coolest 2. Supreme in status or standing 3. Describes a girl that is sexy and you wanna (well you know.)
Example: You're the baddest girl in this room.
(What kills me is we all went through the same nationally-accredited public or private school systems, so why you cannot choose one of the infinite other grammatically sound compliments in existence is beyond.)
Makes sense, right? Right.
When I was fourteen-fifteen, this was so relevant. "Baddest" wasn't exactly the word that was used but yes - I wanted to be the most desirable girl in the room that no one messed with. I was a little brat with a bad attitude. This was not because I wanted to identify myself with being a, well, b*tch - it was (in hindsight) a persona adopted the result of extremely low self-esteem and safeguard against getting hurt, because I frankly couldn't handle any bullying and my teenage hormones were an absolute ticking time-bomb. My point? I was fourteen-fifteen. Have we not grown out of this by now?
Scrolling through my instafacebookland I no-fail come across men commenting on women's pictures / walls "You're (well, actually "your" but I cannot get myself to type that) the baddest b*tch in the game." "You're so bad." "The baddest." "Bad." "Girl, you're bad." - you get the point.
Sometimes I see these reactions to photos, sometimes I see these randomly posted on someone's wall, OR WORSE - sometimes I see them posted as a reaction to a girl's status that goes something like this: "I thought we would have grown up by now. Little girls talking ish and can't back it up. John Smith you tell your little busted girlfriend Mary Poppins that if she has a problem with me we can work it out like BIG GIRLS."
My Mind: Work it out like "BIG GIRLS" ?! Oh that's so nice! Maybe they'll go grab coffee and talk it out! #no
What instafacebookland thinks she means: "I'm sleeping with John Smith and Mary Poppins found out. Mary Poppins no longer cares for me and John Smith is going back to Mary Poppins. I'm going to insinuate that I want to have a physical altercation with Mary Poppins. Because I love attention." Fantastic! Now, homegirl has dubbed herself "bad." In fact, she's the "baddest" girl in her zip code's instafacebookland. Without a shadow of doubt, her little TMI-fest will gain her compliments ("You're the baddest") and maybe even a rebound date! You go, glen co-co. At 23-24 years old, this is totally okay.
What I don't understand is why any girl old enough to know better would prefer to receive compliments that could be construed with someone comparing her to a glass of spoiled milk, two-week old chicken salad or bald tires.
Tell me I'm the baddest most beautiful girl in the room. Tell me my mind turns you on. Tell me my little snaggletooth is quirky & fantastic and to never spend $2,000 to fix it. Tell me there is nothing more attractive than an educated, driven woman. Tell me my laugh and sense of humor drives you wild. Or don't tell me anything at all - just look at me like you look at roses, not at meat, admire me, don't drool.
There is a quote by Stephen Chbosky from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I don't know about you, but I do not think I deserve to be called (in reference to Merriam-Webster's definition of Bad) "3. Not pleasant, pleasing or enjoyable." I do not want my legacy to be that I was "1. Low or poor in quality" or "2. Not correct or proper." I don't think any woman deserves the recognition of being bad, tough, bald tires. I think you deserve more. I think you should think you deserve more.
By all means, give them something to talk about. Be the baddest most interesting girl in the game. Draw attention to yourself (I mean, for God's sake clearly I love attention - do you think I don't get excited when people read my posts?! #ClearlyIDo.) But girls, really. You get back what you put out. If you give give out a bad vibe, you'll get tossed like spoiled milk. Bring attention to your master's degree. Make sure your promotion is recognized. That five-star-worthy meal you worked for four hours on? - post a pic on instagram. You finished your first half-marathon?! GIRL, THAT IS FANTASTIC. That is the stuff we want to see, that is stuff we want to hear about, that is stuff that will earn you the compliments and love you deserve. Being bad? Leave it back in high school, and earn some self-respect.
Just a thought, xx
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