Maybe I'm Not for You | Being Your Own Perfect Peach

The truth is - maybe I'm not for you, maybe my opinions aren't for you, maybe this blog isn't for you. But the fact of the matter is that this blog is an unfiltered, unbias account of my own opinions and experiences. I'm not going to sugarcoat my opinion to cater to anyone else's but my own, in life or in text. My advice is here for the taking, my words here for your reading. What you choose to absorb or refute is up to you. I welcome praise and criticism, on my blog and in my life. I welcome you to ask me "Why?" because the truth is that the reason I've reached such strong convictions is based on a summation of my own personal experiences that you know nothing about. Whether you like me or whether you don't, I'll continue to write and chances are you'll continue to read. Isn't it lovely how that's up to you? What a privilege it is, free will!

This brings me to the topic of today's discussion: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." There are roughly 7 billion people on planet Earth. If I'm not already in-over-my-head-stressed-to-the-max, let's add roughly 6,999,999,999 friends. That's way too much for me to keep up with, which is exactly why I sleep sound without caring if I'm your cup of tea.

I will not sacrifice my personality for peer approval. I will not tell you what you want to hear so you’ll like me. I will not force friendship, because unforced friendships are the ones that last. You don’t have to love me, you don’t have to like me, and you definitely do not have to agree with me – and that’s okay, my feelings are unaffected. As I’ve gotten older, my breadth of friendships has narrowed and the depth of the remaining friendships has grown. This is due to multiple reasons, including that I have made multiple conscious decisions to move myself away from friendships, because people and interests change, your tolerance for certain behaviors changes, and you (like in a down-spiraling romantic relationship) decide that the effort isn’t worth the reward or your time. It’s not mean to be insensitive, really, it isn’t – it’s because being the queen of ultimate logic I prefer to invest time and effort into friendships I feel are two-way. I do not “hate” anyone, or honestly really “dislike” anyone – I just choose to primarily surround myself with and invest in only people who I can bring positivity into their life and who can bring positivity into mine. Time is limited and I refuse to spend mine shooting a dead horse in the mouth.

Just as I don’t prefer certain individuals, I accept that plenty of people likely don’t prefer me, or, for the sake of this blog, what I have to say. Some people think I’m too abrasive (I am,) some people think I’m rude (I’m not,) some people think I’m insensitive (I prefer honest,) some people think I’m unattractive (you’re not waking up to me,) some people think that I think I know everything (for the record I ALWAYS misspell calendar and definitely, but I know everything else. I'm kidding, I wish,) and the list goes on. But what IS so fantastic is for each person that can’t stand me, there are two who believe in me and want more.

My point is, I’ve reached contentment. I’m happy with who I am, I’m happy with who I’m becoming. I’m not perfect, perfect is boring. I don’t always have good days, but how can you appreciate the positive without the contrast of negative? I’m happy with my friends, I’m happy with my family. I’m happy knowing that despite the fact that to some I’m the juiciest, ripest peach on the tree I’m perfectly fine with knowing some of you absolutely hate peaches.

Why spend time worrying about what others think when you can spend time enriching a relationship with yourself? Every moment spent changing yourself to suit the approval of others is a moment towards losing who you are. You’re fantastic. Maybe not to everyone, but who cares? I pinky-promise, cross-my-heart that to someone, somewhere, you’re the perfect peach, just as you are. If you love something everyone thinks is weird and pointless, who are they to judge if it makes you happy? Wouldn’t you rather welcome and enrich relationships with people in your life with whom there is no effort, no secrets, no deception? Be who you are, love what you do, do what you love, and screw the rest. Part of what makes life so much fun is silently and gracefully triumphing over those who bring you down.

Things I'll Never Understand | The Glory of Being the "Baddest" Girl in the Room

Bad: adjective (According to Merriam-Webster) 1. Low or poor in quality 2. Not correct or proper 3. Not pleasant, pleasing, or enjoyable. 

Example: This milk is bad.

Baddest: somewhere in the uneducated third space between adjective and noun (According to Urban Dictionary, because it isn't actually relevant in Merriam-Webster) 1. Toughest, coolest 2. Supreme in status or standing 3. Describes a girl that is sexy and you wanna (well you know.)

Example: You're the baddest girl in this room.

(What kills me is we all went through the same nationally-accredited public or private school systems, so why you cannot choose one of the infinite other grammatically sound compliments in existence is beyond.)

Makes sense, right? Right.

When I was fourteen-fifteen, this was so relevant. "Baddest" wasn't exactly the word that was used but yes - I wanted to be the most desirable girl in the room that no one messed with. I was a little brat with a bad attitude. This was not because I wanted to identify myself with being a, well, b*tch - it was (in hindsight) a persona adopted the result of extremely low self-esteem and safeguard against getting hurt, because I frankly couldn't handle any bullying and my teenage hormones were an absolute ticking time-bomb. My point? I was fourteen-fifteen. Have we not grown out of this by now?

Scrolling through my instafacebookland I no-fail come across men commenting on women's pictures / walls "You're (well, actually "your" but I cannot get myself to type that) the baddest b*tch in the game." "You're so bad." "The baddest." "Bad." "Girl, you're bad." - you get the point. 

Sometimes I see these reactions to photos, sometimes I see these randomly posted on someone's wall, OR WORSE - sometimes I see them posted as a reaction to a girl's status that goes something like this: "I thought we would have grown up by now. Little girls talking ish and can't back it up. John Smith you tell your little busted girlfriend Mary Poppins that if she has a problem with me we can work it out like BIG GIRLS." 

My Mind: Work it out like "BIG GIRLS" ?! Oh that's so nice! Maybe they'll go grab coffee and talk it out! #no

What instafacebookland thinks she means: "I'm sleeping with John Smith and Mary Poppins found out. Mary Poppins no longer cares for me and John Smith is going back to Mary Poppins. I'm going to insinuate that I want to have a physical altercation with Mary Poppins. Because I love attention." Fantastic! Now, homegirl has dubbed herself "bad." In fact, she's the "baddest" girl in her zip code's  instafacebookland. Without a shadow of doubt, her little TMI-fest will gain her compliments ("You're the baddest") and maybe even a rebound date! You go, glen co-co. At 23-24 years old, this is totally okay.

What I don't understand is why any girl old enough to know better would prefer to receive compliments that could be construed with someone comparing her to a glass of spoiled milk, two-week old chicken salad or bald tires.

Tell me I'm the baddest  most beautiful girl in the room. Tell me my mind turns you on. Tell me my little snaggletooth is quirky & fantastic and to never spend $2,000 to fix it. Tell me there is nothing more attractive than an educated, driven woman. Tell me my laugh and sense of humor drives you wild. Or don't tell me anything at all - just look at me like you look at roses, not at meat, admire me, don't drool.   

There is a quote by Stephen Chbosky from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I don't know about you, but I do not think I deserve to be called (in reference to Merriam-Webster's definition of Bad) "3. Not pleasant, pleasing or enjoyable." I do not want my legacy to be that I was "1. Low or poor in quality" or "2. Not correct or proper." I don't think any woman deserves the recognition of being bad, tough, bald tires. I think you deserve more. I think you should think you deserve more. 

By all means, give them something to talk about. Be the baddest most interesting girl in the game. Draw attention to yourself (I mean, for God's sake clearly I love attention - do you think I don't get excited when people read my posts?! #ClearlyIDo.) But girls, really. You get back what you put out. If you give give out a bad vibe, you'll get tossed like spoiled milk. Bring attention to your master's degree. Make sure your promotion is recognized. That five-star-worthy meal you worked for four hours on? - post a pic on instagram. You finished your first half-marathon?! GIRL, THAT IS FANTASTIC. That is the stuff we want to see, that is stuff we want to hear about, that is stuff that will earn you the compliments and love you deserve. Being bad? Leave it back in high school, and earn some self-respect.

Just a thought, xx