Maybe I'm Not for You | Being Your Own Perfect Peach

The truth is - maybe I'm not for you, maybe my opinions aren't for you, maybe this blog isn't for you. But the fact of the matter is that this blog is an unfiltered, unbias account of my own opinions and experiences. I'm not going to sugarcoat my opinion to cater to anyone else's but my own, in life or in text. My advice is here for the taking, my words here for your reading. What you choose to absorb or refute is up to you. I welcome praise and criticism, on my blog and in my life. I welcome you to ask me "Why?" because the truth is that the reason I've reached such strong convictions is based on a summation of my own personal experiences that you know nothing about. Whether you like me or whether you don't, I'll continue to write and chances are you'll continue to read. Isn't it lovely how that's up to you? What a privilege it is, free will!

This brings me to the topic of today's discussion: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." There are roughly 7 billion people on planet Earth. If I'm not already in-over-my-head-stressed-to-the-max, let's add roughly 6,999,999,999 friends. That's way too much for me to keep up with, which is exactly why I sleep sound without caring if I'm your cup of tea.

I will not sacrifice my personality for peer approval. I will not tell you what you want to hear so you’ll like me. I will not force friendship, because unforced friendships are the ones that last. You don’t have to love me, you don’t have to like me, and you definitely do not have to agree with me – and that’s okay, my feelings are unaffected. As I’ve gotten older, my breadth of friendships has narrowed and the depth of the remaining friendships has grown. This is due to multiple reasons, including that I have made multiple conscious decisions to move myself away from friendships, because people and interests change, your tolerance for certain behaviors changes, and you (like in a down-spiraling romantic relationship) decide that the effort isn’t worth the reward or your time. It’s not mean to be insensitive, really, it isn’t – it’s because being the queen of ultimate logic I prefer to invest time and effort into friendships I feel are two-way. I do not “hate” anyone, or honestly really “dislike” anyone – I just choose to primarily surround myself with and invest in only people who I can bring positivity into their life and who can bring positivity into mine. Time is limited and I refuse to spend mine shooting a dead horse in the mouth.

Just as I don’t prefer certain individuals, I accept that plenty of people likely don’t prefer me, or, for the sake of this blog, what I have to say. Some people think I’m too abrasive (I am,) some people think I’m rude (I’m not,) some people think I’m insensitive (I prefer honest,) some people think I’m unattractive (you’re not waking up to me,) some people think that I think I know everything (for the record I ALWAYS misspell calendar and definitely, but I know everything else. I'm kidding, I wish,) and the list goes on. But what IS so fantastic is for each person that can’t stand me, there are two who believe in me and want more.

My point is, I’ve reached contentment. I’m happy with who I am, I’m happy with who I’m becoming. I’m not perfect, perfect is boring. I don’t always have good days, but how can you appreciate the positive without the contrast of negative? I’m happy with my friends, I’m happy with my family. I’m happy knowing that despite the fact that to some I’m the juiciest, ripest peach on the tree I’m perfectly fine with knowing some of you absolutely hate peaches.

Why spend time worrying about what others think when you can spend time enriching a relationship with yourself? Every moment spent changing yourself to suit the approval of others is a moment towards losing who you are. You’re fantastic. Maybe not to everyone, but who cares? I pinky-promise, cross-my-heart that to someone, somewhere, you’re the perfect peach, just as you are. If you love something everyone thinks is weird and pointless, who are they to judge if it makes you happy? Wouldn’t you rather welcome and enrich relationships with people in your life with whom there is no effort, no secrets, no deception? Be who you are, love what you do, do what you love, and screw the rest. Part of what makes life so much fun is silently and gracefully triumphing over those who bring you down.

Things I'll Never Understand | The Glory of Being the "Baddest" Girl in the Room

Bad: adjective (According to Merriam-Webster) 1. Low or poor in quality 2. Not correct or proper 3. Not pleasant, pleasing, or enjoyable. 

Example: This milk is bad.

Baddest: somewhere in the uneducated third space between adjective and noun (According to Urban Dictionary, because it isn't actually relevant in Merriam-Webster) 1. Toughest, coolest 2. Supreme in status or standing 3. Describes a girl that is sexy and you wanna (well you know.)

Example: You're the baddest girl in this room.

(What kills me is we all went through the same nationally-accredited public or private school systems, so why you cannot choose one of the infinite other grammatically sound compliments in existence is beyond.)

Makes sense, right? Right.

When I was fourteen-fifteen, this was so relevant. "Baddest" wasn't exactly the word that was used but yes - I wanted to be the most desirable girl in the room that no one messed with. I was a little brat with a bad attitude. This was not because I wanted to identify myself with being a, well, b*tch - it was (in hindsight) a persona adopted the result of extremely low self-esteem and safeguard against getting hurt, because I frankly couldn't handle any bullying and my teenage hormones were an absolute ticking time-bomb. My point? I was fourteen-fifteen. Have we not grown out of this by now?

Scrolling through my instafacebookland I no-fail come across men commenting on women's pictures / walls "You're (well, actually "your" but I cannot get myself to type that) the baddest b*tch in the game." "You're so bad." "The baddest." "Bad." "Girl, you're bad." - you get the point. 

Sometimes I see these reactions to photos, sometimes I see these randomly posted on someone's wall, OR WORSE - sometimes I see them posted as a reaction to a girl's status that goes something like this: "I thought we would have grown up by now. Little girls talking ish and can't back it up. John Smith you tell your little busted girlfriend Mary Poppins that if she has a problem with me we can work it out like BIG GIRLS." 

My Mind: Work it out like "BIG GIRLS" ?! Oh that's so nice! Maybe they'll go grab coffee and talk it out! #no

What instafacebookland thinks she means: "I'm sleeping with John Smith and Mary Poppins found out. Mary Poppins no longer cares for me and John Smith is going back to Mary Poppins. I'm going to insinuate that I want to have a physical altercation with Mary Poppins. Because I love attention." Fantastic! Now, homegirl has dubbed herself "bad." In fact, she's the "baddest" girl in her zip code's  instafacebookland. Without a shadow of doubt, her little TMI-fest will gain her compliments ("You're the baddest") and maybe even a rebound date! You go, glen co-co. At 23-24 years old, this is totally okay.

What I don't understand is why any girl old enough to know better would prefer to receive compliments that could be construed with someone comparing her to a glass of spoiled milk, two-week old chicken salad or bald tires.

Tell me I'm the baddest  most beautiful girl in the room. Tell me my mind turns you on. Tell me my little snaggletooth is quirky & fantastic and to never spend $2,000 to fix it. Tell me there is nothing more attractive than an educated, driven woman. Tell me my laugh and sense of humor drives you wild. Or don't tell me anything at all - just look at me like you look at roses, not at meat, admire me, don't drool.   

There is a quote by Stephen Chbosky from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I don't know about you, but I do not think I deserve to be called (in reference to Merriam-Webster's definition of Bad) "3. Not pleasant, pleasing or enjoyable." I do not want my legacy to be that I was "1. Low or poor in quality" or "2. Not correct or proper." I don't think any woman deserves the recognition of being bad, tough, bald tires. I think you deserve more. I think you should think you deserve more. 

By all means, give them something to talk about. Be the baddest most interesting girl in the game. Draw attention to yourself (I mean, for God's sake clearly I love attention - do you think I don't get excited when people read my posts?! #ClearlyIDo.) But girls, really. You get back what you put out. If you give give out a bad vibe, you'll get tossed like spoiled milk. Bring attention to your master's degree. Make sure your promotion is recognized. That five-star-worthy meal you worked for four hours on? - post a pic on instagram. You finished your first half-marathon?! GIRL, THAT IS FANTASTIC. That is the stuff we want to see, that is stuff we want to hear about, that is stuff that will earn you the compliments and love you deserve. Being bad? Leave it back in high school, and earn some self-respect.

Just a thought, xx

Wishlist | Valentine's Day for Him

Let me start off by saying that I'm pretty much obsessed with all things men's fashion. Bonus points if those "all things" resemble anything worn on Suits or Madmen. Honestly, if I had the means and the opportunity I wouldn't hesitate to open a men's boutique. A well dressed | accessorized man = a major turn-on. 

With that said, creating this wishlist was so much more fun than doing the "for her" version. Giving your guy a gift he's genuinely excited about is always a major win in my book so when this list received the "G seal of approval" I was beyond. 

Below are great, classic gifts that extend beyond Valentine's Day to birthdays, Christmas, etc. not only for the main man in your life but for your brother, dad and best friend too ... (or yourself - I mean really, these sunglasses and that phone case are amazing.)

Leather Flask from J.Crew | iWood iPhone 5 Case from Miniot | The New York Times 36 Hours: 150 Weekends in the USA & Canada | Haystack Wood Sunglasses from Shwood | Men's Engravable Wallet from Leatherology ... I've purchased the slim bifold as a gift in Italian leather and it is seriously beautiful | Glenn Chukka in "Dark Gull Grey" by Cole Haan | Pink Coral Men's Skinny Tie by APRILLOOKshop ... Every single thing on this Etsy shop is amazing, skinny ties and bow ties in brilliantly-colored chambray ... I mean really | Slim-Fit Non-Iron Mini-Gingham Shirt by Banana Republic

Bootie Call | Anthropologie Swoon

Chunky Booties are the ultimate: season-less | versatile | flattering. I love that I can wear the same pair of booties in the Winter with tights & a sweater-dress as I do in the Summer with a flowy top & J.Crew chino shorts. Not only are they a staple to carry season-to-season, but they are the perfect shoe to be dressed up for professional wear or dressed down for a casual run to Target. I carry a great deal of muscle definition in my calves, so the heel height and cutoff of heeled-booties gives me clear ankle definition and makes my calves look a bit more ... ahem, feminine. I'm absolutely swooning over these four pair of booties from Anthropologie { all with the exclusion of the lace pair, made of 100% leather, making them a great investment! }

Work | Tallulah Crochet Booties

{ Pair with: Cognac leather pencil skirt + chambray button-down }

Dinner | Aria Suede Shooties

{ Pair with: Dark skinny jeans or jeggings + loose-fitting embellished top }

Concert | Covered Bridge Shooties

{ Pair with: Distressed boyfriend jeans + easy-fit white v-neck or graphic tee }

Errands | Trotter Buckle Booties

{ Pair with: Black leggings + oversized sweater in the Winter & a feminine sundress in the Summer - I love pairing girly dresses with masculine boots! }

Shut Up, Get Up, & Do Something About It | A Rant

Please excuse me as I venture on to have the biggest Monday b*tch rant you've ever heard.

There are a few types of people: people that are dealt a bad hand and accept it, people that are dealt a bad hand and do something about it, and people that are dealt a bad hand and complain about it. I'm fairly positive that my number one pet peeve of all time is when people complain endlessly about things within their locus of control.

It's human nature to complain. College is expensive, no job pays enough, taking out the trash sucks and I'm fairly positive no one likes to work on a Monday. But, what I absolutely cannot tolerate is when someone endlessly complains about circumstances with solutions - as if sympathy is going to solve their problem.

Mind you, I am a very 'identify problem - find solution' person and this may sound harsh (I don't care.) Respectfully, there are plenty of circumstances where "it's not that easy" applies - but, what is easy is taking a step in the right direction. We are all fighting battles and it is each of our own responsibility to do something to move in the direction of bettering ourselves and our position. No one expects you to solve all of your problems, but people respect you for making an honest effort.

There is absolutely nothing that you can do to change the balls that are thrown in your court - it's what you do with them. You can either stand there like a dodge ball target or play like Michael Jordan. Without a shadow of doubt there is always a way to a solution if you take things with a grain of salt, one day at a time. If you want to make a change, accomplish a goal ... the first step is getting out of bed and making the decision to make a change, you will get nowhere with simply wishing or constantly having someone 'save' you. Eventually, people will stop giving you sympathy. Eventually, people will stop helping you.Small steps and big leaps both get you up the stairs, but you have a higher chance of tripping and falling when you're moving too fast to the top. Start small.

For example:

Complaint #1: I'm broke

Well, do you have job? Assuming you do, let's start there. Even if it's not what you want to do for the rest of your life, a superior position looks better on a resume and bonus - you'll make more money. You're not going to get promoted based on seniority, you're not going to get promoted just by doing what you're doing. You cannot expect to get promoted if you outshine your coworkers on a seldom basis. Never expect, start small. Start by going in a little bit earlier, then start going above and beyond in your work, then (after your efforts have become habits) have a sit down with your boss about your career path and interest in moving up in the company. It all starts with one small step - going in a little bit earlier. If you don't have a job, I really don't want to hear you complain. There is always a job, even if it's not glamorous and not the job you want. You can't be picky, you're broke.

Complaint #2: My boyfriend sucks

Breaking up isn't easy, but it's possible. I feel like break-ups last forever. You break-up, you're back together, you break-up, you're back together, but you eventually reach a point where you know getting back together isn't going to work, the attraction has disappeared, and you know you deserve better. I will give you sympathy for the first three to six months - I get it, break-ups suck. During my last breakup I had this fabulous friend give me fabulous advice: She told me she (a) didn't want to hear about it anymore and (b) I needed to cut him off from all social media outlets / forms of communication... it worked. As with complaint #1, start small. If you do everything at once you'll rebound and go back to him. First, block him off all social media. You'll have no idea what he's doing or who he's doing. You know what that leaves you with? Nothing to talk to him about. Out of sight, out of mind. Eventually, texting will get boring. If you cannot resist the urge, block his number. Recruit a friend that agrees to text you all hours of the night and day to keep you occupied, feel free to text her 20 times in a row - it's not crazy if you warned her. It all started with one small step - blocking him on Instagram.

Complaint #3: I hate my body

First off, there is no realistic standard for weight. If my 6+ foot tall mother had my 5'4" frame, she would die. I don't think anyone should focus on a number. I think everyone should focus on being the healthiest possible version of themselves, not the thinnest. I just wanted to lay that disclaimer out there before anyone jumped on me for being superficial. When I hit 19 and my hips grew out 6 inches, I was the happiest girl on the block. Curves are beautiful, being happy with yourself is beautiful. If you are happy with what you see, don't change a thing. With that said, I am a thin individual - not unhealthy, I'm just small. This is due to genetics AND effort. I don't go to the gym every day and I do eat dessert every night, but I don't complain about my body and do nothing about it. I made the decision a long, long time ago what "healthy" for my body was and with the exclusion of weeks that I have been medically unable to do so have worked out 3 - 7 times per week. It is so frustrating when I hear someone complain about their weight / body and watch them continue to not workout and maintain their eating habits. So you have 20lbs to lose, you can either accept it, which is fine, but don't complain about it. If you expect immediate results, you'll go back to your habits. As with common complaint 1 and 2, start small. If you cannot run, walk. Eventually you'll be able to run. If you cannot cut out sweets, don't. Just have them in moderation. Every marathon starts with someone putting their running shoes on. Take small steps to reach your goal, but don't complain about it if you don't feel like getting off your ass.

Wishlist | Valentine's Day for Her

Last year was my best Valentine's Day to-date (there is quite an expectation to uphold) - I mean, I got all dressed up, walked into a house full of rose-petals, got cooked for, devoured a dessert platter and got  obliterated off Smirnoff ice's in the hot tub - can we say cliche perfection?

Anyway, I cannot get enough of the cutesy-girly product launches around Valentine's Day. I mean, yes, Valentine's Day is a very superficial Hallmark holiday - I celebrate love every day! But - nevertheless, I am totally for a day where calories don't count, I will definitely get flowers and I get to get dolled up #win. 

Here is a totally "accidentally-left-my-browser-open" worthy Valentine's Day wishlist that you may or may not want to pull up and leave open on your boyfriend's iPad (you're welcome.)

Kate Spade "Gumballs" iPhone 5 Case | Yogitoes The ONE Mat Towel | Lululemon "Energy" Bra in Bleached Coral / Guava Lava - I have this in black and it's honestly the best sports bra I've ever owned | Rebecca Minkoff "Jody A-Z" Leather Pouch in Scarlet | Banana Republic "Knot" Bracelet | Givenchy Thin Pavé Bangle in Gold | Stace "Ikat Do It Red" Socks | Leatherology Earbuds Holder in "Red Apple" | Kade Spade "Be Mine Carousel" Bracelet Watch

5 Ways Relax & Unwind | My Vaca & Go-Tos

This past week I've been completely not myself (I'd like to think this is caused by the fact I've been sleeping on my living room couch for two weeks because my room is covered in sawdust & ahem, hormones for this ... in addition to some personal stressors going on.)

I was emailing a girlfriend and casually said, "I seriously need a vacation and some yoga." Then it hit me, I do a lot of little things for myself (like, buy a new top or go get my eyebrows done) but never any "big" things. It's about damn time I do a "big" thing! So, I went home and made a decision. I got off at 4:00pm and by 4:30 my boyfriend and I had booked a week-long cruise to Mexico & The Grand Cayman over my birthday. The next day, I marched my butt over to my favorite hot yoga studio and bought myself a year-long membership. 

I've always done yoga here & there (my mom being a notoriously, ridiculously talented yogi) but have never bought myself a membership because it was simply too expensive. This membership & this cruise was costly (the blow lessened by government rates ... ) but I decided that it was in the best interest of my health and sanity to make a conscious effort to do something, for me, to relax. For me, it's worth it.

While I'm counting down the days to my week of Bahamian relaxation (76 to be exact) I've decided to truly commit to taking more time for myself and r e l a x i n g. Here are a few simple ways to make the most out of "you" time.

Read a book
I'm ashamed of myself, I never read. I maybe get through a book a year. But I've wanted to start! I'm absolutely obsessed with the movie The Wolf on Wall Street so I can only imagine how engrained I would be at the book (I know book-before-movie critics are cringing.)

Have a spa night, obviously
Essie polish & Philosophy body wash / bubble bath make for ultimate relaxation. Try this shade "Sable Collar" and scent "Pink Frosted Animal Cracker". Throw in your favorite face mask for the ultimate experience.

Get shamelessly wrapped up in a Netflix drama
I won't judge you if you finish the entire season of Orange is the New Black in one night  (and then re-watch it three weeks later - #WhereIsSeasonTwo)

Go on a run
There is nothing more relaxing than a run with a good playlist. Not a run where you're trying to beat a personal record, time or pace ... a run where you're just running to run - whether it's for five minutes or sixty I always feel infinitely more relaxed. Cute running shoes don't hurt either, ASICS GEL-Noosa.

Make something delicious off Pinterest, for yourself
Cooking is my ultimate source of zen. It's really rewarding to put a lot of hard work into something & it turns out perfectly. Your nights should not be limited to lean cuisines and peanut butter sandwiches (guilty) ... treat yourself to something fancy! Don't these Baked Egg Tarts from Apron Strings Blog look incredible?! #CravingBreakfastforDinner