If you don't follow me on Facebook / Instagram / know my in real life you may not know my hiatus from blogging is due to the fact I'm been preoccupied with a very important task ... creating a human! I am 26 weeks and 6 days pregnant / 187 days in / 1 days away from my third trimester, with only 93 more days to go! We are due on November 11th, 2014 with a big, active baby BOY who we've decided to name Wiley Merrick Shear, and couldn't be more thrilled!
Before I pick up with my blog full-force, here's a re-cap of my pregnancy thus far:
Were we surprised? // Not exactly. In early November of 2013, we found out we were unexpectedly (but excitingly!) pregnant with our first baby - but I didn't feel right. Something in my intuition told me that pregnancy was not going to end with a baby, a thought I openly and terrifyingly vocalized to close friends and Grant as my general feeling of "being pregnant" yo-yo-ed. I know now my doctor's office was not being 100% honest with me as I was in the office getting blood work every day (something I had no clue wasn't normal) ... so it's pretty clear to me now they were monitoring me pretty closely with the inclination something may not be right. Sure enough, on November 11th, 2013 (one year prior to my current due date) my doctor told me I was going to miscarry. The blood work continued as I hoped my body would do things "the all natural way" versus having a D&C procedure. Side note: I was promoted the following Tuesday, to all things - assistant retail buyer for BABY MERCHANDISE ... talk about a bittersweet moment. I took time off work and nature began to took it's course that Friday night, and continued for somewhere in the vicinity of 21 physically and emotionally painful days. In addition to mourning the loss of our baby, I was also dealing with the hormonal plummet of going from being pregnant to not pregnant so quickly. My body wasn't itself, and I wasn't myself. I would have really good, optimistic days but then days in which I wouldn't eat, slept a LOT, wouldn't be active - and would just cry. I hate to admit this, but I even had a hard time doing simple tasks as taking care of my dog (who was less than 6 months old at the time.) My mind wasn't right, I wasn't taking care of my body - and my body recognized this and wasn't making any attempts to return to normalcy. One day I woke up and knew that it's OK to be sad, but that I had to get my health and mind together because if I didn't I was going to lose the most important thing to me ... Grant. We booked a week-long tropical vacation and made a commitment to move forward. After a few long conversations about how we were both dealing with the loss of our baby (who our hearts just tell us was a little girl) - we decided that this ordeal really made us realize how "on the same page with parenting" we really are, and if this was something God really wanted for us that we were not going to do anything to stop it ... whether that meant months or years (which is honestly what we were expecting) from that point. My period had been so irregular after getting off birth control 2-3 years prior to my miscarriage that we assumed it would be a very long time before I fell pregnant again. Well, God laughed at everything we "thought" and three months from my miscarriage, we got pregnant.
How I found out // Early March, my period was a few days late ... so Grant went and picked up a box of First Response Early Response pregnancy tests, and I had a Clearblue pregnancy test as well as a Dollar Tree pregnancy test in the medicine cabinet. The day before, I had been running up the stairs and couldn't catch my breathe (which was my first pregnancy sign with our first baby and my mother's first pregnancy sign with my brother) and Grant said "you're pregnant." His comment got all up in my head and the following morning (a Friday) I woke up and took three tests: a First Response, a Clearblue ... and a Dollar Tree. Negative, Negative, Positive-ish? Of course, the DOLLAR TREE test was the only test out of the three that came up with a faintly light pink double-line, but since the two "reputable" tests were stark white, I threw them away and went to work. One week from that date, I woke up feeling a very familiar way and thought, "What in the actual f*ck I AM pregnant." I didn't say a word to Grant, went to work ... and emailed one of my best friends - Sent: "I'm Pregnant" Response: "Did you take a test?" Sent: "Well ... no, I'm going on lunch. But, I'm telling you, I'm pregnant - I just know it." By feeling "a very familiar way" I don't mean sick ... it's hard to explain, the best of which I can describe as off, high, and intuitive - like when you feel "fine" but you know you're about to get a cold in a few days. So what do I do? I didn't want to go home! If I was wrong and I wasn't pregnant, Grant would think I was insane for taking a fourth test. Instead, I went to the exact pharmacy where I bought the positive test for our first baby, bought the exact brand, took my butt over to Target and took it in the exact stall that I got the positive test for our first baby, and peed on that stick - after all, if I wasn't pregnant and I was feeling any kind of way, I would be at Target which still makes for a pretty great day. I closed my eyes, said a little prayer reminding myself that "God never gives you anything you can't handle, and always in perfect time" and opened my eyes - so-f*cking-POSITIVE. That thing was not just positive, it was so really-positive it was about to grow lips, a mouth, and a hand ... reach through the plastic case, slap me across the face, and scream at me for drinking bourbon at a tapas restaurant that Tuesday (thanks, First Response & Clearblue.) I bit my bottom lip and looked up - I knew this baby was going to be okay. Even if it was earlier than I had anticipated, I thanked God that : (1) He had faith in Grant & I as parents (2) That despite having a miscarriage so young, nothing was "wrong" with me (3) He had a plan for us all along. I called three close girlfriends in confidence and they all agreed - they, too had a better feeling about this pregnancy. I went back to work and basically didn't work for the next three hours. Grant had to work at 5 and I got off at 4, so I left a little early and went to Starbucks and ordered a tall water, a tall milk, a grande black coffee, and a venti dirty chai - labeled "Baby" "Baja" "Mom" "Dad" (all for FREE, thanks Starbucks!) and headed home. I walked in the door and handed him the carrier, and started crying. He looked up at my in complete disbelief with this huge smile on his face repeatedly saying "Really? Really? Are you sure? But the tests said ... " and I nodded ... I also told him that this time, I knew everything would be okay. We called my doctor and made an appointment the following day for bloodwork. The week that followed was thrilling : my first HCG readings were much higher than they ever reached in my first pregnancy and continued to double with subsequent blood tests (at one point exceeding that of a singleton pregnancy and into the range of that of multiples.) My doctor stopped them at about 4, saying I should be very satisfied with my results and set our first few appointments.
1st Trimester in Review // I never got true morning sickness, hallelujah-thank-you-Jesus. My doctor did however prescribe me 2mg of Zofran and said "you never know when it might hit, and trust me - you're going to want it if it does" but I only felt the need to take it a few times, when I hadn't eaten and felt just slightly nauseated. I was extremely exhausted from weeks 6 - 7.5 (to the point I would go to work, go home, go to sleep at 4:30, wake up once to eat, sleep, go to work and repeat until the weekend, and not leave my bed the entire weekend) but quickly got my energy back at 7.5 weeks. My boobs quickly went up two sizes almost immediately (they've gone down a little) and were sore to the point of them being blue & purple (TMI?) The worst early pregnancy symptom had to be the weird taste you have in your mouth, all.the.time. I lost a lot of weight initially because nothing tasted good other than lemonade, making me develop aversions to things I normally love because they were topped off with this metallic-salty taste that only lemons could cut through. I felt pretty good and was able to continue working out until week 8, when I we had a MAJOR scare. Over the course of the week I had some alarming back and belly pain that did scare me and felt slightly familiar, but since my test results were fantastic I wrote them off as 'round ligament pain' until the following Monday. I went to work and got up to go to the bathroom when I felt a slight gush, went to the bathroom - peed and realized there was bright red blood, lots of bright red blood ... staining the toilet like I was having a bad period. Thankfully, I made the decision to tell my boss about my pregnancy very early on in confidence since I was in and out of the doctor constantly, so when I went to her office and said, distraught, "I have to go" she completely understood (she is an incredible woman to work for.) I called my doctor's office who advised me to go to the ER at the new maternity hospital ... so I picked up Grant (freaking out) and off we went. They took me back immediately (my heart rate was 180 and my blood pressure was through the roof) and set me up in a room. A nurse came in and started telling me I was probably miscarrying and that the same thing kept happening to her sister and that I probably had a weak cervix and they would refer me to a specialist to see why this was continuing to happen and to basically prepare for the worst ... oh and that I was lucky I was "so early" ... at which point I completely lost it, saying "I don't care how early I am, this is my baby, and you need to leave ... " Her response? "Well, all I'm saying is at least you don't have to hold a dead baby in your arms." Needless to say, she left the room and Grant made sure I got a new nurse. With negativity comes positivity as my doctor walked in, sat down and said "Don't panic yet - my wife and I went through the same thing after a miscarriage and we have a healthy, two-year-old girl, don't lose hope yet ... I have a special spot in my heart for things like this. I remember sitting in the ER just like you two panicked that we were losing our baby, sometimes there are explanations in and 30% of these cases you're going to go on and have a healthy pregnancy." Finally! Some positivity! Sure enough, he checked me and although filled with blood my cervix was closed, a good sign I wasn't miscarrying. A bedside ultrasound revealed that Wiley was not in distress and was still very much alive. Although inconclusive, the shear volume of blood was likely due to a sudden hemorrhage or blood vessel burst and they diagnosed me with a threatened miscarriage. I was sent home, put on bedrest for the rest of the week and then under strict instructions to participate in as little activity as possible until 13 weeks - meaning I could go to work and come home, I couldn't work out, have sex, or participate in any activities deemed even slightly "risky." The bleeding stopped a few days after listening to my doctor's orders, and I have to say over the course of the weeks that followed I probably made it through the netflix catalogue twice. Although my doctors were apprehensive to let me go, I ended my 1st trimester with a cruise to the Carribean and Mexico with Grant and his uncle and will-one-day-be-aunt (who are around our age.)
2nd Trimester in Review // We publicly announced our pregnancy on Mother's Day (14 weeks) to our friends and extended family, with the photo above. Although we are young and we are not married, we were flooded with excitement, support, and positivity. I began showing pretty early, so my coworkers were universally like "Yeah, we knew!" but it was still exciting to be able to talk about our sweet baby openly. Once the word was out, we planned the next big thing - our GENDER REVEAL PARTY! I knew early on that I wanted to celebrate every single stage of my pregnancy - the gender reveal, the first flutter, the first kick, every week that my sweet baby was turning into the size of a new fruit or veggie, the halfway date, and every developmental milestone (such as - this week Wiley opened his eyes!) ... which is something I've done and haven't regretted. Some may think I'm ostentatious - but I have this newfound appreciation for my body and the sweet miracle it's creating. I can already tell how much I'm going to miss being pregnant and want to savor every last moment. Anyway, from day 1 we've both thought Wiley was a boy. When anyone asked our "hunch" 100% of the time, Boy was our answer. Being a strong believer in intuition I was seriously ready to go out and start buying boy things. We arranged our gender reveal party to be on father's day among close friends and family, and told everyone to wear their guess. Well, us and everyone else showed up in blue so we thought, "This poor, poor baby girl. We're going to cut that cake and it's going to be pink." Turns out our intuition (and 30-40 other people's intuition) were correct and we cut into a cake filled with baby boy blue frosting. We had picked out a girl outfit and a boy outfit and had labeled both with "Hello My Name is" stickers and hung up the boy outfit to announce to everyone that our sweet little baby BOY would be named Wiley (after his dad's middle name) Merrick (after my brother's middle name) Shear (his daddy's last name.) Thankfully the name choosing process we easy as pie for us, and we agreed universally on our first choice. That was honestly the best moment of my life to date, solidifying that we DID have a sweet healthy baby that had a gender, a name, and a million people that love him ... I don't think I've ever cried so many tears of happiness and excitement in my life. I'm so grateful that our dear friend Courtney Timms of Courtney Timms Photography caught this incredible moment on camera and took photos we will seriously treasure for the rest of our lives. Our gender reveal party took place at around 18-19 weeks, and our big anatomy ultrasound wasn't until 21 (we had out gender ultrasound done at a 3D/4D studio ... so cool!) We had multiple early ultrasounds for dating and to follow up with our ER visit but had opted out of genetic and fetal abnormality testing, so the wait for our anatomy scan was filled with excruciating anxiety and a ton of "what-if" tears. They told me to prepare to be in the scan for 30 minutes to an hour, based on whether or not they found anything questionable and if Wiley was cooperating. I was so grateful when our scan lasted 15 minutes - Wiley cooperated perfectly, had perfect measurements and was active and healthy (thank you God!) By some twist of fate, my due date remains 11/11, a year to the date we found out we lost sweet baby #1. I began feeling sporadic movements at about 17 weeks and could see kicks through my skin at 20, by 23 weeks I could recognize Wiley's hiccups and could make out what parts of his body were bulging through my belly, I believe it was around this time I could start to see him drag an appendage (be that a hand, knee, elbow) across my stomach, which is his daddy's favorite thing to see. Now at nearly 27 weeks Wiley has sleep/wake cycles and will stretch his whole body which I can feel and see on all sides. When he kicks hard, he'll move my whole body (&/or the computer, phone, or plate I have resting on my belly.) Sometimes when I'm having conversations with friends they'll say "Oh my God, your stomach just moved" ... it's like an alien. At this point, I wouldn't say I crave anything in particular (although early on I would suck on and eat ice) but definitely prefer savory, spicy, or salty foods or a bold combination of sweet/savory to sweets and pastries. I still enjoy sweets, but not every day and not like I used to. I will take jalapeño poppers over cake 100% of the time. I do have to say that in my first trimester I ate an english muffin with peanut butter every single morning just incase I ever got sick, and that over the course of this pregnancy I've probably gone through six jars of peanut butter. Healthwise, I'm feeling seriously INCREDIBLE now but had some blood pressure issues that began at week 17 and subsided by week 23. I've always had low or unstable blood pressure due to a (mild, not serious and not-a-big-deal) condition called Peripheral Fibrous Neuropathy but it plummeted when I got pregnant (which is not completely uncommon.) This caused me to have frequent fainting spells - which I tried my best to combat by being really careful in the heat, keeping super hydrated, and being really cognizant of how much and what I was eating, as well as monitoring my blood pressure - which worked! On the other hand, a few times my super low blood pressure would shoot up in the dangerously high range and cause me to have debilitating migraines (which I've always had.) At one instance, I had a severe migraine for 48 hours in which I was running a fever, throwing up and couldn't leave the dark bathroom without my eyes welling up at and shard of light. I lost about 10 pounds and was sent to the ER, again. I'm so thankful I went, as my blood pressure ended up being so high that I was warned I very well could have gone into preterm labor (listen to your body, ladies!) Since 23 weeks and my BP stabilized I've been able to really be active. I was running but moved my workouts indoors to my local rec center gym, because running in the 90-degree heat can be a little too much for anyone. My workouts have consisted of mid-impact cardio on the elliptical for 25-30 minutes and light strength training with low-weight dumbbells and low-weight kettle bells (all of which I was doing before I got pregnant.) I'm hoping I can keep this up as long as I can (is it bad I told myself I would buy myself a designer diaper bag if I could?) to make getting my body in shape after baby just that much easier.
3rd Trimester // BEGINS TUESDAY! I'm kicking it off with my baby shower next Sunday among friends and family at my parent's house. I really wanted to have a shower early because I have friends finishing up college that go back to school at the end of the month that I really wanted to attend. Besides, it's going to be really nice having time to gather the last of the things we need before the big arrival. I must confess, we have not started Wiley's nursery (due to the fact we've been remodeling) and I highly doubt it will be done by the time he arrives - so at least having some things in place will make me feel more at ease! I will make sure to post pictures and details from Wiley's big day.
So, surprise! I'm looking forward to blogging all the details of my 3rd trimester and pregnancy as we grow closer to our due date. For < frequent > belly pics, puppy pics, and home progress pics, follow my instagram @morganrbrown
